The Wicked Diva

The works of Gregory Maguire are know quite well known (mostly due to one of his best works being turned into the Broadway Musical: Wicked). He focuses on taking classic tales and telling the stories you don't hear. For example what the Witches are doing the whole time during the Wizard of Oz, or what the "evil" step sisters were doing while Cinderella went about her story.

I'm not nearly as talented or diligent as Maguire is; so you won't be getting any wonderfully accurate stories from me... just a parody this evening.

Memorable Lines from: The Wizard of Oz
if the Wicked Witch of the West was a Gay Man

Wicked Witch of the West: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?
Dorothy: No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody.
Wicked Witch of the West: Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!

Wicked Witch of San Francisco: Holy shit! That bitch is dead! Who the hell killed mah sista'!? Was it you dimples!?
Dorothy: No, no. It was an accident. I didn't mean to kill anybody!
Wicked Witch of San Francisco: Hmph, gurl, I know that wasn't your first accident neither! [clicks his tounge] And lemme' guess those bruises are from when you "fell down the stairs," yeah okay we'll act like your uncle didn't push you to cover your other little "accident."

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Cowardly Lion: I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do!
Wicked Witch of the West: You'll believe in more than that before I'm finished with you.

Cowardly Lion: I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do! I do! I do!
Wicked Witch of San Francisco: [filing his nails] oOo child that ain't even the worst of it!

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Wicked Witch of the West: Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of spears! Thought you were pretty foxy, didn't you? Well! The last to go will see the first three go before her! And your mangy little dog, too!

Wicked Witch of San Francisco: Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of spea-! ...is that a pocket full of spears or are you just happy to see me honey?

or

Wicked Witch of San Francisco: Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of spea- oh... nevermind that... that's just my bag of black dildos...

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Wicked Witch of the West: Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why my little party's just beginning.

Wicked Witch of San Francisco: Girl where you going!? Bitch please this party is just getting STAR-TED! AAYYYOOOOHH!

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Wicked Witch of the West: You cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oooooh, look out! I'm going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!

Wicked Witch of San Francisco: You dirty slut! Look what you did to my top!? Oh gurl this is gonna' take forever to get out! Oh, fuck you, I'm out of here... Oooooh... I swear to god...

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Wicked Witch of the West: I'll get you my pretty... and your little dog too!

Wicked Witch of San Francisco: Bitch get yo' ass back here!