Procrastination

Procrastination

While it always creeps up on me, I've yet to find a decent way to combat it. Even fun and enjoyable assignments get pushed to the last minute, because I'm always able to find something else I'd rather do than sitting down and doing work of any kind.

Then again, beating Resident Evil 5 was a pretty satisfying accomplishment...

Because I'm Just Not This Funny...

This should be hysterical for those who know how serious The Watchmen is:

Hair Stylists

Hair Stylists, otherwise known as "mah hair cutter," are what I'd consider vital to our society. I think they should be paid the same as Doctors, and more than Psychiatrists.

"Why?" I can hear you asking already... Because they listen better than shrinks, and while a Dr. can't cure terminal disease, a hair stylist can sure make you feel better about yourself.

A recent interview with a student at the University about their hair stylist promoted this story: "Yeah, he told me that I 'didn't know what I wanted' when I was trying to explain how he should cut my hair." I tried to explain to my interviewee that his stylists was probably coming on to him, but his fragile mind just couldn't grasp the concept.

Women & Cars

Women & Cars: A Quick Lesson for Straight Men

Today I overheard a young man say this to his friends:

"Man, girls are all over you if you've got a nice ride..."

Hey then followed up with an example of how this works in conversation:

"Look, she'll be all like 'Wow! That's a really nice car!' and I'll be like 'YEAH! Gotcha' now biatch! Bam!"

Now, let's go over the facts shall we?

(True) Girls like nice cars, in fact, everyone does.

(False) A girl will sleep with you just because you have a nice ride.

(True) Having a nice car will increase your chances of copulation.

(False) Pimpin' rims, hydraulics, or anything that makes your care make more noise than it normally would if it were functioning properly will turn a girl on.


The last statement is the most important; girls are going NO where near you if when you "rev" you engine it sounds like your muffler exploded.

Why look a muffler double-entendre! What an easy way for young men to remember!
Take care of your muffler, and maybe it's not the only muff you'll be working on this week!

Things I wish men would say to me in bed

THINGS I WISH MEN WOULD SAY TO ME IN BED

I love you.

So… do you wanna’ play WoW (World of Warcraft) after this?

You’re easily the hottest guy I’ve been with!

To be fair, I lost at Smash Brothers, so you pick: top or bottom?

No worries, I’m not a size queen.

Let’s role-play! I’ll be a rugged elf warrior… what do you wanna’ be?

You ready to go again?

Fuck yeah! Roll for initiative!

Hookers

HOOKERS

The Vice President of anything

Your postman

Anyone who worked at your high school who wasn’t a teacher/adminstrator

All employees of Dairy Queen

Two of the Three Jonas Brothers

Your living room furniture

The cleverly disguised hobo outside the 7/11

Any girl or guy standing near The Fonz on Happy Days

News Report #4

Several southern and midwest mothers are terrified that a Nintendo DS game and certain Fisher Price dolls are telling their daughters that “Satan is King,” and “Islam is the Light.” however they remain unconcerned about the amount of time their daughters spend with their brothers in locked bedrooms.